Messed up.

I was near the point of breakdown. Can anyone tell me everything is gonna be alright? I had no idea why all the things turns into a mess. I thought i could handle it all by myself, but to be honest i was falling apart again and again. My grandma used to told me that when i'm crying: "You should look before you leap. Even if you are failed with it again, don't think you are been defeated, you have to stay tough." I was felt bad for my grandma and stuff... I always thought that i'm strong enough to take care and handle all the things, even if alone... but obviously i'm not. Yea.. i know it sounds stupid and I don't deny it.
Urm.. I think i'm getting sick. lol. I got rained on these days and not really notice it. Well... what i'm going to talk about is.... Finally! I met him! I'm glad to meet him and know him, honestly. :) I'm kind of not that easy to believing in others but for him, i did. I believe in him since i felt that he is the one that trustworthy. I had no idea why, but i just feel familiar when i talking with him. I never met someone like him. He's humour, kindly, honesty.... He's such a good people. He used to be the reason why i smile every morning and night.
Hmm... I don't know why i feel sad at the moment. I should be happy, right? But still there's a complicated feelings are gradually erosion my brain. I don't dare to tell my friends how it feels like, i'm just sad, for no reasons. I'm afraid of fall in love again and been control my emotion by others. And i'm afraid of changes, i don't want to. But how? I can't even control my feelings. Is it means i will fall again? No. I don't want to. Arr.... my mind is messed! and i'm sad :(
I audacity to love, i audacity to trust, but i just can't bear the feeling of lose anymore. I'm just a loser in love.
I believe that everything is gonna be alright. So i will wipe away my tears and stay tough.